I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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