Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
