Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
