i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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