R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
