the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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