Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
