Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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