i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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