Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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