I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
