I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The air was thick with penises
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Damn victory sex feels great
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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