I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize