he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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