my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
