Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
