just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
