Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize