He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if only i could text you this smell
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
