a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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