so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
