I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
