The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You were trust falling into bushes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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