I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
