you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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