I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
the raccoons are back...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
