Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
zippers are such a cool invention
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He shit in the fireplace
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
