Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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