It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
