I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
