Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pants are for mortals
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
