I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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