Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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