The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
