just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
