i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
