Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
