i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
