Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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