Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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