she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
