It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you made out with another girl for some wings
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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