i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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