I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
