I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize