So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
