I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
