she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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