You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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