3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
