i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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