You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
