absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
