All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
third nipple confirmed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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