Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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