You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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