My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
