Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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