Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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