Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
