My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize