Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
