i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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