threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
