im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
