ugly people sure do ruin things
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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