i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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