My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
