So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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