just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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