I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
