So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
