im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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