people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
