i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he fucked my hip out of place.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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