from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
