Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
