So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
