i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
