WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
