Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
