did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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