Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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