True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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