youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
