so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize