I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
even my farts smell like vagina
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize