we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And then my night got REAL pukey
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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