I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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