He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
