This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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