Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
