I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
tell me about the eggs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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