She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
