over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
