You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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