Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
