apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
