Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so much tequila, so little girl.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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