seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
