Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
