Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
