There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
